She started crying as she was relieving her stress,
She continued adding more details to the story.
It reminded me of the story of another of our members. She was the opposite…
“Many people compliment me because of the great body I have, and I feel uncomfortable and I tell them I owe a lot to my genes.”
“To your genes? So that means that you just started and soon you look like this?” I asked.
“Not really. I have been active since I was a child. I rode my bike everywhere, I was in sports, and I remember staying active all the time. My family always ate healthily and never gave us sodas or candies. My parents are a very good model to follow, so I am doing the same thing with my children. So I guess I have been active and eat healthily, and that is the reason why I am in shape.”
We have two different stories here:
one person who is coming from a very dysfunctional family and another who has great role models. The first member is in her third marriage, and the second has a very successful marriage. One does not have her emotions under control, and the other one does. One is struggling with her kids, and the other one has children who are adopting good habits.
This is not luck at all. The decisions they took earlier in their lives put them in this current situation. Therefore, for the first person to lose weight, no pill, surgery, shake or easy weight loss program will do it. She needs to undo her habits and replace them with good habits. To become active and stop being lazy, to be sober and stop drinking, to stop overeating and eat because she needs to — to control any problem — first she needs to understand that she has a problem. Then she needs to break the habit by planning, taking small steps and understanding that relapses are normal and they will become less frequent as she strengthen the new good habit.
The second member needs is a good program that she’s comfortable with where the routine is set up for her.
Making wrong decisions is not uncommon…
This is the message Jesus sent when he said, “Let he who is free of sin cast the first stone.” I am very aware of this. I know better, and I still make mistakes. Yet relapses are not as common as they used to be when I made unconscious decisions, but I still suffer from them (sorry, I am still human). It doesn’t feel good when I make a mistake because I know I am going to suffer the consequences and I will lose time and whatever goal is valuable to me.
Everything starts with our parents, their beliefs and the environment where they raised us. For example, in the case of our first member, she made many mistakes when she was raising her first son because she did not have good parental models, and no one taught her how to be a mom. She failed in her first marriage because no one taught her how to look for the right man, and maybe she was not the right woman either. Her beliefs about food and money came from her parents and were reinforced throughout her life by her peers. She did the best she could. Now she is paying the consequences of all the bad decisions she’s made. And not stressing out won’t help, but stressing out won’t help either. To fix her life, she needs to study her past and understand her mistakes, so she won’t make the same mistakes again and again. She needs to start making different decisions to help her son, work on her marriage, lose weight and reverse her diabetes.
I believe many of us have the same problem. We want all our current problems that were created by our past wrong decisions to go away over night…
For many of our members what they are experiencing now are not the results of last night’s decision or a genetic problem but are results of all the decisions they have made throughout their lives. This means that to fix many of our present problems we need to start making better decisions now to expect better results in the future.
I also made many wrong decisions until I turned 28 years of age. This is why I fell into depression, was in debt, failed my family and had subpar health. When I started making better decisions, my life changed — not right away, but it changed. Now I am in a different place. Can you imagine if I had made better decisions since the day I was born? I would be in a better position today. However, I did not know better, just like many of our members. And I still do not know better. I still make mistakes; I still have limited beliefs that are not letting me progress. But it helps me when I understand that many of my present problems are the results of many bad decisions, they are my responsibility, no else’s.
We all are going to continue making mistakes by making the wrong decisions…
However, the more aware we are of the consequence, the less prone to make bad decisions we’ll be. We all have weaknesses, and fighting them takes more than strength. It takes a plan and a Superior Power by our side.
My hope is always for our members to change their ways to a better life and find their happiness and understand that present problems can’t be solved superficially. They need time and effort. I have been in their shoes before.